would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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