there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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