So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sober January is a disaster.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
