oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
