my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
