6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
