no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
