How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
