i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
