I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
