I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
