I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
