Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
