i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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