I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
