I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
