oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
