I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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