I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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