You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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