Whod you bang
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
