porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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