So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
