i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
is that a dick in a sweater?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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