she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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