I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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