Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
