everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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