I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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