Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
