Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just cropdusted the office
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
