Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
