she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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