i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
