but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
