my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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