her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
