Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
