his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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