omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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