So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
