What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
