Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
