well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
