He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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