Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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