Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to make out with him forever
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
