I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
