he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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