I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
