I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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